We figured it was about time for us to declare our allegiances, and it’s only fair to warn you that this revelation may be more than a little shocking. We make no apologies … there is nothing to apologise for …

There’s nothing quite like a typical British summer, is there? Clutching a blanket full of picnic as you sprint from sunny beach to the drizzle-soaked misery of a long-deserted amusement arcade’s decrepit entrance porch.

There are many fantastic bed-time stories to tell your children of heroes on epic quests, fighting vicious foes at every turn, and doing great deeds with honour and bravery. This is not one of them. This might cost you a decade in therapy.