Well, it's Christmas time, everybody's having fun
And the office party has only just begun
There's tinsel round the monitors and lights on the tree
And as five o'clock approaches everybody fills with glee

Though you've worked really hard and celebration is deserved
There are certain traditions everybody must observe

CHORUS
Photocopy your arse, call your manager a twat
Shag his partner in the cupboard and then piddle his hat
Throw up in the shredder, fill the kettle with beer
Then apologise on Monday and do it all again next year

That tosser from marketing has dressed like it's The Ritz
While the harlot from admin's flashing everyone her bits
And the creep in sales that everybody says is weird
Has got pudding in his earhole and dribble in his beard

It's an annual occasion that never should be missed
When the company stumps for getting memorably pissed

REPEAT CHORUS

Download porn to the server, distribute to everyone
Ask the cleaning lady to fiddle with your bum
Get the company logo tattooed upon your cock
Steal the printer by trying to stuff it in your sock

When the mood is like a funeral, it's time to risk tribunal
So do something unusual, to liven up the night!

REPEAT CHORUS
Photocopy your arse, call your manager a twat
Shag his partner in the cupboard and then piddle his hat
Throw up in the shredder, fill the kettle with beer
Then apologise on Monday and do it all again next year

Put your pants on your head, stuff a pencil up your nose (Christmas do-do-do, snog a colleague, drink a ton)
Bungee jump from the top floor using just the fire hose (Christmas do-do-do, trash the office having fun)
Though you dread these dos, you'd never miss all the fun
'Cause the only other option is to go and buy a gun